have one on me

you saw me rise to our occasion and so you deny the evidence
you caused me to burn and twist and grimace against you, like something caught on a barbed wire fence

now you can see me fall back here redoubled, full bewildered and amazed
i have gotten into some terrible trouble beneath your blank and rinsing gaze

it does not suffice for you to say i am a sweet boy,
or to say you hate to see me sad because of you.

now everywhere i tried to love you is yours again and only yours.

wanderer wandering

i can’t explain it, i can’t find the words right now
but it feels i’m drowning with no water holding me down
the fear clenches up my fist, and i mourn this life i’ve never lived
with the feeling that they say would stop, but never did
and these tears prick my eyes no matter the place or the time
oh how they fall and i really couldn’t even say why
as the water meets my chin, i still feel full to the brim
and i curse these eyes that can’t seem to hold them in
and i feel tired all the time…

bring on the end

because i’m not sure i can take much more. delving into the sports pages from refuge from the depressing european news and i find this

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/may/25/we-are-wiser-this-time-says-fernandes-as-qpr-plan-for-premier-league

tony “fuck off” fernandes: “My view has been consistent: that it is very unfair for a club that has been relegated, as the wage difference between the Premier League and Championship is impossible. There should be a time period for clubs to rectify their salaries.”

context: the season they got relegated QPR had the 7th highest wage bill.

SEVENTH.
yeah really unfair clubs are forced to pay the seventh highest wage bill in the league and then cope with being relegated, so harsh imo.
(interestingly wigan had the LOWEST! fuck knows how much reading’s shit squad was on)
anyway cool, they’ve got promoted and fernandes reckons they’re gonna learn from the mistakes last time around. can’t fault that. let’s see who he’s planning to sign…
“Interest likely to be registered in Fulham’s Scott Parker as well as the out-of-contract pair Rio Ferdinand and Steve Sidwell.”
FFS
“We’ve got to make sure anyone who comes in is the right character and will come in and do a good job for the team. That’s all that’s important. I don’t see Rémy wanting to come back. He’s talking about playing Champions League football somewhere and has a buy-out clause which is at a reasonable level. Mbia’s done well at Sevilla, scoring in both legs of the [Europa League] semi-final. [Adel] Taarabt’s another, at AC Milan. What happens to him? We don’t know.”
so you have at least three players, all of whom will be on +£40k, remy who is on £75k, and you’ve no idea if they’ll be around next season or not. jfc lads, great planning there.
best case scenario for QPR: spend nothing this summer, or just sign decent championship players on decent wages, get all the cash they can in the premier league, use it to pay off the stupid contracts they’ve given all these old players, get relegated, start again from a sound financial footing with a decent squad. probably sack redknapp and bring in a decent manager too if you’re going to be doing this, someone with a plan
worst case scenario for QPR:

groan. it’s going to be a long summer

QPR 14/15 STARTING LINE UP

                                        CROUCH    ADEBAYOR

JOE COLE    FRANK LAMPARD   BRAVE SCOTTY PARKER    NANI

ASHLEY COLE   RIO FERDINAND   JOLEON LESCOTT   MICAH RICHARDS

                                             BRAD FRIEDEL

how big are you, she says

PARTY SIZE! PARTY SIZE!

WAKE UP WHEN YR HEART SKIPS.

i plunge my hand deep like child scraping around jam jar
unwieldy as teenager’s reach below his lover’s belt line
the power that i felt
when you looked in in the eye and said
“i prpmise boy, i’ll never let you see me cry”

i traced my family line
it ends up where the
window passing grainy days
forgetting she’s away

truck 2013

our vessel
that carried you and me
now sits at the bottom of the sea

it’s formed a natural reef
upon which new things have grown
things so wonderful that i have never known