everything ends the way it begins

Back to Sheffield tomorrow, after a summer that’s been very nice, very long, and very.. unexpected, in numerous ways. It’s been a summer with some real highs and some real real lows, but I feel like I’ve come out of it a bit taller and a bit different and a little bit better than when I went in.

If there’s anything I’ve learnt over the past 18 months, it’s this: Sometimes, in order to do the right thing, you first have to do the wrong thing. If there’s a problem, a sticking point, you have to stop avoiding it and think about the long term, and you have to make the best decision for that long term, even if it isn’t that great in the short run. Living in the moment is fun, but spontaneity comes with a great big caveat emptor that reads “a time and a place”. Sometimes you have to sit down, think things through, and take action. Even when the action – or even the thinking – is difficult. It’s the only way to get better.

I’m painfully aware that I can be very judgmental – even snobbish – about a lot of things. It’s something that I’ve not liked about myself for a long while, and it’s something that I’ve actively been trying to change this summer; instead, I’ve been trying to take the world with a more open mind. Obviously this isn’t something that’s going to change overnight, but I feel it’s working a little. (I still can’t stand Elbow, though. Sorry, Pete. I’ve tried.)

I think I’m being unnecessarily reflective. But I also think that, from time to time, it’s important to look at yourself, and who you were, and who you want to be. Otherwise you run the risk of becoming a little lost and aimless, without even knowing it. I think it’s important to keep a direction in mind, even if you’re not quite sure where it’s going to lead you. I’m not the person I want to be, but I think that after this summer and all it’s entailed, I have a better idea of just who that person is. Now, I just need to step up to him.

Year four, here we go.


1 Response to “everything ends the way it begins”

  1. 1 hesternal September 25, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    If you don’t like Elbow, you’re not trying hard enough :D xxx

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